The birthday season took my breath away. The days are long, but the years are so short. This first year of being a family of four has been astounding. C.C. is everything. Really, just everything good, everything wonderful, everything I hoped to have when dreaming of another baby. Probably even better. She is sweet and funny and with every day we get a little bit more of her personality. In some ways, she's so like her dad. She's pretty easy going, loving, happiest when she's around her family. In other ways, she's so my girl. She is more than a little bossy and points and relishes being right about anything. Like both of us, she loves to laugh, love, snuggle with family and enjoy a decent meal. So far, she eats everything. Even things she didn't used to like - she's eating. It's wonderful!
Language is progressing at a good pace. This morning, in the car on the way to drop Vinny at school she said, "Daddy!" It was so clear. Doesn't matter that he wasn't there. She loves the guy. She chatters a lot, but not a ton of discernable words yet. Also, I think she can walk. On Saturday she took SIX full steps, but I think she can only do it when shes not paying attention to what she's doing. I'm fine that she still does this cute little knee-scoot thing to get around. Her pants are worn through, but... so are Vinny's.
Speaking of big brother - he is SEVEN. And at the same time, I feel like he's equal parts racing into big kid-dom and still snuggling mom on occasion. I'll take what I can get. I adore this kid and watching what kind of brother he is has been an entirely new insight into who he is becoming. I've never known such a kind kid. He mostly understands when she's being an annoying baby. It's important to him that he includes her in his life - in his stuff. He loves showing her off to his school friends. It's just like, "This is my sister! Isn't she great? She is the cutest, smartest baby ever!" At least one of his friends does not dig on the baby. Vinny's confounded by this. How could anyone not love C.C.?
Plus, his education and mind are just blossoming. He's taking in the large world and finding what matters to him, what's important and discovering new ideas that he wants to explore. I've never for one second doubted that we made the right decision in switching schools for him (ugh - thinking about how distressed I was at this time last year... God, that was rough.) It's just that it's even better.
Vin is also asserting a little more independence from us and from his friends. Where he used to just always follow, now he's asserting his own path - and that path includes quiet time. Quiet time right now is mostly just watching You Tube videos of Minecraft. There is some swearing - which ensures my F rating on the parent front. I keep trying to manage it, but my god, You Tube is a wasteland of awful humans. What began has safe little happy kid videos sometimes dips into teenage stuff. That genie is out of the bottle and I would love the chance to just shove it back in there. Sigh. The upside is that this quiet time will likely soon be occupied by reading. At his school, reading is the coolest way to spend time. Vin's reading has been a little slow to blossom. He's starting to get it, though. I just love it so much - I don't want to push him. So... we're getting there.
We're getting there.
Life is good. It is just SO GOOD. Matt and I are awesome as well. Its amazing to see my career becoming a real thing. I mean... I guess its always been there. I don't know. It's weird to talk about. I'm getting close to launching into some really cool new projects. Working as a critic for MNMO has been a dream. I love working with Jason DeRusha - he is such a good egg and phenomenal at what he does. The greatness does nothing but good for me. I'll take it!
Matt's still plugging away at his career. It's the busy season, but he's not traveling as much. We have a give and take with hours and kid care that allows me to do what I do. Thank god I married a man that is such a good man. He's just... incredible.
I think about how much my dad would have loved all this. When I was home a month ago I was starting to pack up Julie's room and found her rehab journal. Her life story is heartbreaking. When my dad accepted he was sick, he said to her, "I really thought I'd see you and Joy get married and have kids." I really thought I wouldn't be doing all this alone.
But... no sister, no dad and the entire Seaquist side of my family is just gone and I am just out here now. It's entirely up to me to take care of my mom and it's just me to teach my kids the family lore. And... it does super suck that there is a huge chunk of my history that is dead. I miss them. I miss those roots. And... it's hard to shoulder the stuff to come alone.
We're beginning the process of moving mom down here and add into all that, her hip is totally failing. She is in constant pain and can barely walk. Her world gets smaller and smaller and we have to get her out of this house that she has lived in through all of this. She hasn't been a renter since her 20's. And getting her into senior living means stacks and stacks of applications and paperwork and it's overwhelming. I also don't have any idea how long an application even takes to process or even if there are apartments available (probably not.) I keep trying to trust in the universe that if I pull all this stuff together and do the world something will come, but... I don't know.
That with two jobs and my current refusal to put C.C. in daycare... it's a lot. There is so much goodness, but it's a lot.
So, I go to bed early, trying to take care of myself and hug my babies as much as they'll let me. Thank god for my little family and thank god for all the goodness this year has brought.
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