Some weird lady name...

Tragedy has struck our house. The Roku remote has gone missing and that means we're trapped in a wasteland of network TV. In a (futile) attempt to uncover the stupid, little thing I spent the better part of yesterday cleaning around the house. Matt was also in rare form. He accomplished a whole list of household tasks we'd been skirting for months.

Vin has a new bed - which Matt retrieved AND put together in less than 48 hours - a new personal, IKEA record. Piles of detritus has been discarded and a new vacuum was purchased and implemented.

I'm still not feeling awesome, but I pushed through with lots of stooping, scooping and the fun little occurrence of my first full-fledged faux contraction. Because I had a C-section last time, I got to breeze through most of the labor pains.

There was no question what it was, though. My lower abdomen tightened and... well, contracted. It also hurt like a bastard. I figured after that, I had to return to my roost on the couch and take it easy for a few minutes. When Matty-Gray-Sweats (his Sunday nickname) breezed through the room, I explained why I was sitting. Again. Because although I know he doesn't judge, I do. I have to explain why I'm such a lump all the time.

He kept moving and it wasn't until much later that night, when the boy was settled in and sleeping that he turned to me and said, "What happened today?"

"Very little. I cannot figure out where that remote control went," we were watching the Oscars and already I'm worrying about missing Downton Abbey.

"Something about Beth Johnson?"

"Who?"

"Um... you had... uh..."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"You said you had a Beth Johnson thing!"

"You've gone completely insane." Then I realized what he was trying to say. "You mean  the 'Braxton Hicks' contraction?"

"It was some weird, lady name!"

I lost it - laughing until tears poured out of my eyes and I had to adjust the way I was sitting or there was NO WAY I would recover without peeing myself.

"What?" he asked. "WHAT? It was named after... the first... lady... who..... So, you're saying it's not a lady?"

"NO!"

"Who the hell is... Toni Braxton?"

Oh Jesus. His career as a midwife is over before it begins.

***UPDATE: Text message from Matt this morning: "I still can't remember the real name. Barton Higgs? Epstein-Barr?"

(Why is that hyphenated?"