"I'm fine."
"Really, you look terrible."
He stared at me for a minute. "Joy.... shut up." Fine. Hivey could sit there all he wanted, see if I care.
Finally 9:30 approached... and went. I spent the next half an hour watching the clock's second hand make it's arduous journey up and around the 12 again. Finally at around 9:55 there was an uptick in the amount of people in the room. There was the nurse, Heather. I remembered her because she was extraordinarily kind to me and said that she'd just had a baby girl a couple of months ago. I figured she could at least relate to what I was going through. What I was feeling was a heady mix of anticipation and complete, stony cold fear. I still couldn't fully wrap my head around the concept that there was a baby in there. In just a few moments I would have a baby. What the heck was I supposed to do with a baby? And how could there be a baby inside me one minute and the next - voila! There it is! No backsies!! In addition to this bizarre and assured outcome there was the cutting me open thing. I'd never so much as had a broken bone in my life, and now here I was headed for surgery with an anesthesiologist and my small handed doctor armed with a big scalpel. Weirdest.day.ever. Over and over people asked me the same easy questions, name, birthday, etc. Soon I was being escorted down the hall. Heather held my arm as they told Matt what to expect next. He was dressed up in his scrubs and name tag filled out - he wanted to make sure it was obvious that he wasn't a doctor so no confused preggies would ask him any questions.
Finally, it was go time. I waddled into the O.R., staring at my light blue iridescent toenails that peaked out from under the gown with each step. I'd gone in for a pedicure with Laura the weekend before. I was thankful that I had something to concentrate on. When we entered the room, they tried to keep me from bumping into the blue, sterilized things. Everything was blue and I was big as a double wide trailer and just as maneuverable. I tried to ignore the chipped concrete corners of the room. For some reason I expected it to be high tech, fancy, but it was actually just an industrial room with super bright lights and trays everywhere. They backed me up to the table and we tried to get me situated on it.The anesthesiologist approached and had me lean over while they attempted to put in the epidural. "Oh, look at this cool tattoo she has," remarked one of the nurses. Everyone gathered on my left side to observe the fireball I'd had etched on there when I was 19. "Yup, sunshine on my shoulder," I said, even though I hate John Denver. I didn't think they really needed to be studying that so closely. Although, it would probably make identifying the body easier if anything went wrong. "She's got another one on her thigh," someone said. Okay, people, let's move it along here. Nothing to see. I can't be the first person in here with a couple of tattoos. The epidural went in and I quickly became numb, but my palms turned cold and clammy.
I heard them instructing Matt to come in the room and step behind the screen that they were putting up over my face. I thought it would cover my chest, but it was practically covering my mouth. "This way, Dad. Please be careful not to touch anything blue. This way. "
"You should know that I'm incredibly clumsy," he warned. It's true. The man has no grace. I could easily see him running into something vitally important and being banned for life.
In moments they started poking around my midsection. Behind me the anesthesiologist and some other guy were chatting. Some one's cell phone rang. "Hang on a minute. Hello? Oh, hi there! Yeah... where do you think we should head for lunch? ... Oh, I don't know..." Are you freaking kidding me? Shouldn't he be paying attention to something?
"Okay, Joy, you're going to feel some tugging and some pressure, but it shouldn't hurt."
"Uh, okay." I tried to breathe evenly, but not too deeply. There was all kinds of yanking. I could really feel it right under my ribcage where the baby's head had been resting for weeks. I caught myself holding my breath - waiting to hear the little screams.
"Wow..." Matt gasped.
"And, here he is!" The doctor declared. It had taken about five minutes for them to get in and get out, but still, it had been a lifetime away. A little, perfectly round baby head appeared above the sheet. His little white face was all smushed to one side. His button nose was kind of out of whack. I wanted to laugh, but I didn't want a jiggly belly in case there were hands inside me that might disturb something. I felt tears prick at my eyes. He wasn't crying yet and terror seized my chest.
They whisked him over to the tiny table that I'd seen waiting for him to get him all cleaned off. Finally, there it came. A gush of sweet, wailing cries filled the room. He was alive! I had a baby and he wasn't some freak show, V alien, monkey baby or anything. The nurses brought him over and handed him to Matt and I got a better look. It was even better than I'd hoped for. He looked like me! That was my baby. Holy crap we had a healthy baby boy!
A nurse offered to take a picture. And that was where we got our first family portrait.
(One of us turned on the date stamp on the camera with the wrong date. It wasn't me.)
That's so awesome! More, More, More!
ReplyDelete